Generosity for the Fiercely Independent

There was a time when I was a very stable adult.  I had a full time job and was freelancing an absurd amount in the theatre world.  Living relatively well for a single gal working in the arts. I had a super cute 400sqft apartment in Loring Park.  My car was paid off.  I didn't have credit card debt.  I was able to travel multiple times a year and be present for events with friends and family.  I was able to buy birthday and Christmas presents.  I could pay for someone's dinner or drinks here and there.  I made a couple substantial donations to scholarship funds to support young artists.  I was able to give, and relatively freely.  I felt a major sense of pride in the fact that I was supporting my life and able to be generous to others within my means - all while being a working artist.

This sounds really terrific, but it didn't happen until I was 26 years old... and only really lasted for about 12 months.

My early twenties were a tough road - as they should be - as I was trying to figure out how to be a working actor/educator.  I had tons of support.  I have moved almost 25 times since I was 18 which meant lots of short pit stops with friends and family between leases and tours.  I've grocery shopped out of people's refrigerators.  I've taken home leftovers from work pot lucks because co-workers knew my grocery budget was slim.  I carpooled to jobs and shows to be economical about gas.  A couple doctors would see me for free when I got sick, and almost 85% of my knee surgery was paid for thanks to a generous medical clinic.  I could go on and on.  I have been a recipient of amazing generosity in my life.  When I finally hit a point where I was 'stable' it felt so wonderful to be able to give back.  To be generous to others in ways that I wasn't able to earlier in my career.

And then I went to graduate school.

The transition back to being a student was a hard one - which is actually quite an understatement.  After being able to sustain my life with 'fierce independence' as my dad calls it, to all of a sudden being unemployed, across the country from everyone I love, and having to do everything others told me to do whether I wanted to or not, was super disheartening.  After all the work I had put in to build my life, all of a sudden it was gone.  I was starting over...and somehow unexpectedly.

And yet, I was still the recipient of generosity.  My program was paid for thanks to being granted a teaching assistantship:  I taught undergraduate courses in exchange for tuition payment and a small stipend while working on my own courses.  That said, it still takes money to live... as it turns out.  :)

So again, I am the recipient of generosity.  Friends and family have flown me across the country for holidays and vacations.  Mom and Dad have made sure that I've been able to make ends meet on lean months after unexpected issues.  My family has been able to come see me in the last year versus me having to go home when I didn't have time.  They have filled my fridge and my gas tank when they've left.  Orlando Shakespeare Theatre has provided meals and events for me and other grads at no cost to us.  Visiting artists have shared their knowledge and experience to help further propel my career.  I have friends, near and far, who generously listen when I've had a bad day or a silly joke.

And today, I have a little brother, (by 'little' I mean he's 24, married, a computer programming designer, and 5'' taller than me) who sent me a gift to start my 'Disney Annual Pass Fund'. We were talking last week about how I couldn't really travel for the next year, which I was bummed about,  and that it would be fun to at least have something fun and silly to be able to run off to on a day off.  All of a sudden, the little brother looking out for the big sister...  In a way that he absolutely doesn't have to, but did because he wanted to and because he can.

I sit in tears and in awe of how generous people are and how blessed and full my life is because of them.  I also reflect on the idea that I may not be able to be financially generous to people right now, but that doesn't mean I can't be generous in time, in listening, in words of encouragement, and in joy.  My life wouldn't work the way it does without others...as I suppose a lot of people encounter.  I know that I'm a hard worker and that I am prideful about being able to take care of myself, but today I am reminded of the generosity of others, and that I truly wouldn't be able to have the life I do without them.

So here's to being intentional about being generous.  That generosity doesn't necessarily mean financial, but that it means sharing with another.  I send you joy today.  I'm grateful and thankful for you.