My First New Yorker Birthday

My First New Yorker Birthday  

Today is my birthday.  Well, my New York City birthday at least.  I came here a year ago with a graduate degree in hand, 4 bags, a solo show, and a couple thousand dollars to set up shop.  In theory, I knew this was going to be a tough year, but I was so excited for the new life I was going to establish in a new city.  In actuality, my estimates were pretty accurate but a little shy. This year was exciting in many ways…and the ‘tough’ days I envisioned, well those days often felt more like a beating.  So, today on my New Yorker First birthday – the view from where I stand.    

1. Housing.  Having a home that I felt safe in, comfortable in, and enjoy is probably THE most important thing I figured out in this city.  It also cost every dime of my savings to simply secure my apartment – where the rent is quite literally, three times my Midwest family’s monthly mortgage. However, in a city where I am almost never alone, having a quiet place to go home to at the end of the night, (minus the thumping neighborhood music on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights and the smoke detector that chirps in the hallway) there’s no other place I would rather be. 



2. Neighbors. My neighborhood is also awesome.  I don’t speak the same language as most of my neighbors and I’m definitely the only Scandinavian in my building, but the young kids on the second floor who tell me about school; George who is basically the grandfather of the building who greets me every day with “Hello my Love!” and asks where my bodyguard is, aka Jamil; and the mutual waves that happen from the guys at my favorite taco joint, wine store and the barber shop as I walk to and from the subway – is amazing.  I’ve never experienced neighbors or a neighborhood community in this way.  I’m still a bit of an outsider – although I’m working on my Spanish, and I get catcalled here and there in my yoga pants, but getting to know people in my community is pretty powerful and important.
 

3. Priorities.  I moved here with the intent of continuing a life as a performer.  I have an equity card and a handful of connections that would help start that career here.  What I wasn’t expecting is that about 6 months after I arrived, I found myself in a panic because the transient lifestyle of a performer is no longer what I wanted.  After moving almost 30 times in 15 years, I didn’t want to move anymore.  I didn’t want to leave my apartment in the hands of a sub leaser when it took every resource I had in the first place to secure it.   I wanted a home base that actually felt like a home.  I also wanted to be able to enjoy the grand city in which I was living.  I acquired work within a month of moving here, but 4 different jobs made it hard to enjoy much time off.  This past year, I felt like I was just staying afloat. Just making enough money to pay the bills but such a sporadic schedule left me feeling dizzy and disoriented and pretty unmotivated. I also did a lot of soul searching about what function I still want to have in the arts if I no longer wished to be a full time performer. I no longer want to be a full time performer…a life I’ve committed to for the past 15 years.  It’s taken me some time to be ok with that statement.  Some days I still feel quite emotional about it.  However, my decision boils down to the fact that right now: a home, some money, and a quality of life that includes days off and the ability to be present in my loved one’s lives is more of a substantial award than walking into a theatre every day.  Right now, I’m not working in the theatre at all.  I’m exploring administrative and teaching options within the theatre realm, but haven’t found the right one for me yet.  I’m going to keep working at finding the right fit.  In the meantime, I’m grateful I have a relatively secure temp position at a financial institution and that I report to one job every week.  Surprisingly, working in this new land has sparked creative juices in my imagination that I feel have been quite dormant for the last year…so who knows what I will create next? 

4. Tears and Anger.  I’ve heard people say that this city makes people hard.  What I will contribute is that NYC has the ability to make people hard, and there is a literal choice I have to make from moment to moment about how I chose to deal with emotion.  I’ve never been someone who quickly loses my temper but things that could trigger it if I let them: 
A. People who walk slowly up subway stairs because they are reading something on their phone.  
B. Tourists in Times Square who stop at any and every moment in the middle of a sidewalk and don’t comprehend that some people actually work in the city and are trying to be on time.  
C. Trains that are not on time.  
D. Crowded trains at all hours of the day. 
E. How much more groceries and laundry cost to do here.  
F. Trying to coordinate schedules with friends where week after week, you still can’t find a common time.  
G. The smell of trash. 
H. Trash everywhere.

New York is such a pressure cooker that the small things start to add up.  I’ve seen people literally lose their minds in anger on subway trains that stop in the middle of tunnels.  I have also absolutely ugly-cried, on multiple occasions, in the middle of a crowded train, because the stress of the day felt like too much to handle.  The first time I tried to hide it. The next, and the next, I threw on sunglasses and let the tears roll.  In a city with few private places – emotions are more readily displayed on my sleeve.   



5. Love.  I moved to New York at the beginning of a new relationship that had been very long distance in the early months.  I was worried about the equation of getting to know a new city while also getting to know a new beau who had lived here his whole life.  What I know is that I’m grateful he was here, even when he was away on contract.  As a pretty independent lady for the majority of my life, it has been eye opening, wonderful, awful, humbling, scary, happy, angry, unknown, and exciting to make a commitment to another human and have them a part of my daily considerations.  In the same way that New York has taught me a ton about myself, the mirror that is held closer to my heart does the same thing.  Relationships of any sort are challenging, and not because of what you do to and for others, but because of the way they make you examine yourself.   6. Family.  When I got to NYC, my best friends were waiting here with their arms wide open.  They even had a new tiny person waiting for me, which was quite generous of them. The days I spent as Noah’s nanny are 3 months I will cherish for the rest of my life.  I have become quite convinced that all parents should have a third tag-team parent.  As much I was caring for Noah, Jen and Ryan were also caring for me.  They are my family in the city, and many of the scary first days and weeks in the city were met with comfort, love, and listening ears.  Find your people.  Even if it’s just one or two, find your people and hold them tight. 

7. Accountability. I believe in treating people with respect and kindness.  I also believe that people’s time is worth something…usually money….especially if you’re employed by them. In a city where everyone is hustling with all their might, it has been important for me to remember that I am worth kindness, respect, and money.  Standing up for myself is often easier said than done for me, but I’ve gotten better at it…That NYC hardness I was talking about.  

8. Magical places in the city.  Central park truly is a magical place.  There is so much to explore, and the perfect 10k loop around the park makes for a challenging and entertaining run.  Attending theatre of any kind truly is a sacred space.  What I love most is that it’s not a group activity.  It can be, but it really is a solo event.  

9. Home.  I have missed my Minnesota home a lot since moving away to grad school and then here to New York.  I miss my friends.  I miss my family.  Although it has been tempting to retreat back to my Midwest roots, right now, I’m going to stick it out and continue to embrace NYC. Transitioning from undergrad to adult life in the Twin Cities wasn’t easy.  There were a lot of bumps in the road before I felt like I had a community there and a job I loved.  I suspect this journey from graduate school to New York is going to be very similar.  I will find a community and a job I love, it just may take a little more persistence and patience. And hopefully a little wiser this time around.  Restarting is never easy. 

 

10. Walking.  Like a new baby, my first year in NYC started with a lot of crying, some drooling, and taking in everything around me.  Then I fought to crawl and climb.  Still more tears, and some yelling.  I consider this one year landmark the beginning of finding my actual feet.  I will walk this next year, and soon run.  I will continue to do my best to enjoy the days as they come while setting goals that give me points to strive for.  New York, you’re a tough cookie.  But today I celebrate that you still have more appeal to me than not.  Let’s give it another year.