My hair is not styled for you...and neither is the rest of me.

Yesterday, a recording surfaced containing a certain presidential candidate sharing words that are inappropriate, accosting, and perpetuate appropriating violence toward women.  I thought about how destructive this kind of language is, how another presidential candidate is being blamed for infidelities her partner committed, and how this is still a normalized perspective for many people in this country...that somehow the female perspective is undervalued.  That somehow women are to blame for the being raped by men who claim, "they shouldn't have drank so much".  That if our men stray, we haven't done our duty as their partners. That disgusting speech from a major potential political leader can be swept under the rug as 'locker room talk' instead of classifying it for what it is - language that encourages misogynistic rape culture. Well please let me be clear.  My hair is not styled for you...and neither is the rest of me.

I recently cut my hair back to a short style and changed my blonde 'do' for a brunette. I like being a blonde. I also like being a brunette. And I did it for me, not you. It turns out, my partner prefers me as a blonde, but loves me anyway as a brunette...which is good, because my hair is not styled for him, it is styled for me.  

I was walking from the subway to my apartment today and a neighbor, with whom I have an endearing grandpa/grand-daughter relationship, stopped me with his voice from across the block, 

"I don't like your hair.  You need to color it back blonde".

"Oh really, and why is that?" I replied.

"It's not sexy! You need to look sexy for me. Your blonde hair is sexy."

"Oh, ok" was my response. "Well I like it".

As I climbed the four flights of stairs up to my front door, I became increasingly more frustrated that I had been spoken to the way I was, and that I didn't have the consciousness at the moment to respond with more strength than, "Well I like it".  The fact is, I do like my hair, and I have every right to wear it the way that makes me happy.  Because I don't need permission to walk down the street looking a certain way. My job and joy in life is not to make sure I'm sexy for my neighbor or anyone else who may catch my eye as I go about my day.  

My gentlemen friends, women are not on this planet to serve you. Women are not meant to only cook your meals, clean your drawers, and provide sexual relief whenever you want it. We are not required to bow to your advances whether interested or repulsed.  Whether you are rich and famous or broke and struggling.  We are not simply for your pleasure. The level of disrespect displayed by a potential leader of this country for the past year...and let's be honest, much of his professional life...is not just demeaning and disgusting, it's dangerous. We can do better than this as a society.  We have to do better.

My friends, please love your women, respect them, appreciate them when they look great, and appreciate them when they look tired. Be of support. Lift us up. We will retaliate. But let me be very clear: 

My hair is not styled for you...and neither is the rest of me.  Do better.